Today’s blog is based on something, I’ve been wondering about, for a few years now….

For those who haven’t read my this post from a few months ago yet, I am posting it again, as it has a different and very sad outcome…….

As a retired(due to ill health-Pulmonary Arterial Hypertension)nurse, that worked in 2 old age homes, for the best part of my career, I naturally experienced a lot of the elderly,”going through the phase of dying”I’ve also personally, lost a quite few, family members and close friends. Not to forget my 4 legged children, who passed away!!
The last one, the Sharpei, passed away last year August, due to an aggressive, rapid spreading, facial cancer.

Loftus, named after the club of our Rugby Heros: The Blue Bulls

My first contact with a dead person, was when I was in grade 1, but it’s a whole story on it’s own and I already mentioned it, in one of my posts, on my WordPress blog site.
After that different people of different ages and different relations to me, died for different reasons. Some, due to Terminal Illnesses, like my one niece, that died of breast cancer. Some died, due to overindulgence, like my father, who died of emphysema and Liver cancer Cirrhosis, because he was an alcoholic and chain-smoker.
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My mother died, because of the repercussions, regarding her sudden deterioration, due to Dementia and Alzheimers. My grandparents simply died, due to old age-related illnesses. Someone died because of a successful suicide and another, because of complications, after a failed attempt of suicide. Then another was murdered, shot and killed, but the autopsy showed, that he didn’t die immediately and succumbed to the wounds, that lead to excessive blood loss.
I’ve seen, and actually RÈALLY, unhealthy amount of elderly dying, during my years as a nurse. Some of them, looked like they just fell asleep and at a total piece. Some even with a smile and have a “happy” face. Others moaned and groaned and fought against it….My mother was one of them. It took her 2 weeks of severe pain, due to her enlarged liver failing kidneys, heart and lungs….She drowned before my eyes, over a period of 3 days.

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We have a Jack Russell and Staffie mix, called Rasta(because of his “dreamy” eyes)that was supposed to be bred, according to buyers’ specifications and because he was the runt, he was destined for euthanasia, as he wouldn’t make money. To save him, we hàd to take him, when he was only 4 weeks old. He is nearly 13 years old and still our naughty baby boy dog.

Boy dog Rasta(Rassie)

Our boy dog the Sharpei and Pitbull mix, called Taiwan, because of his facial features, was bred to fight. My son heard of it and we paid, a substantial amount of money(that we couldn’t afford, by the way)to save him, from a short life and certain death. He wasn’t supposed, to make it past 2 years, because the younger pups kill them, more or less around this age.

He is already 14 years old and his life has been hanging on a thread, for the last 2 months already. He kept us awake for quite a few nights, by waking up and get up, moving…restless…too afraid to fall asleep, because he may just not wake up again, the moment he goes to sleep….As if he’s afraid to sleep, knowing that he won’t wake up again….He’s tiring himself, by continuously walking from the front door, to the bedroom and back. Maybe, also because he knows, that he’s going to die, when he stops. It’s extra heartbreaking, because neither me, nor my husband, can take him to the Vet, to be Euthanized….we saved him, from early death and his best little friend, from the ultimate human-made fate!! I’m trained to save lives, not take it and my husband, in the Ambulance Service, made a promise to save lives, at all times,too…..how can we take it nòw. We don’t have the Godly Right, over life and death, but still….Does he realize, he is about to die, fighting against it….going on, for more than a month, already? How does one just die? You can’t lie down and stop breathing!! Your body has the power, over your mind and nothing can change that….Please sòmebody .. ..just tell me…HOW DO YOU DIE, when you want to stay ALIVE….?

The Sharpei/pit-mix, Taiwan

Things went for you worst and his health deteriorated, by the day. He was now at a stage where we had to pick him up on the bed, because that is where he grew up . The tumor in his right eye quickly spread to his sinuses and he had trouble swallowing and struggled to breathe. He became more and more restless and kept us awake at night….. as if he was afraid he’d die… we had to help him to eat and the periods between his weeing, became shorter…..as if he was afraid, he’d mess in the house…..he was a proper old boy and very clean….washed himself permanently, just like a cat. He didn’t chase the stray cats anymore and he didn’t go out to help his little buddy protect the house. When he went out to do his business, he’d walk slowly, foot by foot around the house, before he’d come back in, though. At first, it was if he had an endless thirst as if someone would take away the water. He had mucus hanging down his nose constantly and we had to wipe it, like you would a baby, except for the fact that he had cancer in his nose. Then it became less, because he could swallow it. He would fall so fast asleep, that he’d slide off the bed and the last few days, it happened twice, that fell on his nose and we ended up struggling, to stop the bleeding. He was in pain, the last few weeks, but the last few days was unbearable. The struggle to breathe, to eat, the constant walking and deteriorating muscles, the painful nose and cancer in his right eye ……we could let him go any further. He deserved more…..so at last we decided to take him to the vet. He knew there were strangers around and he still tried to protect us, even when he could get up anymore……He lied down and then it was over in a second…….It’s heartbreaking. Remember he was part of our family’s lives for 15 years. Our teenage boy was an old man……and he is at peace…at last. Was it because we hurt to see him struggle, or because we feel he would’ve asked us to, if he could talk, that we chose euthanasia? I honestly don’t know and I still don’t like the thought of what we’ve done…like complotting a murder…..difficult for both of us….we don’t believe in Euthanasia!!!!

Please note that I also posted the first part of this post, on my blog on Google blogger, because I knòw there are a few people, who feel the same, as we feel about our dog children….and Euthanasia.Tell me how do you die, when your mind is still full of life, but you can’t go on anymore…. die….?


Thanks to my regular readers and followers, for your support, to try and help me make a success of my blog. I appreciate it. Remember, that your feedback ànd opinion is important to me.

Why not take a look at my boards on Pinterest. You’d be amazed at all the information they have to offer…..

REMEMBER your opinion is important and I would love feedback, to better my blog….

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