It’s still very weird and unbelievable…I was so scared and uncertain,all these years….not willing to give in,one inch.It was way above me and I knew it wouldn’t and couldn’t ever be part of my life….Well,like so many other things,I had to fight against.At the last old age home,I worked at,for the last nearly 13 years,I had to retire,due to my terminal illness,called Pulmonary Arterial Hypertension…..
The head,of the old age home teased me endlessly, about it and one day,when I entered the secretary’s workstation,to clock in for duty,I nearly fainted….she had a brand new one and the old one was on her desk too,but what really scared me,was the fact that there was one more,that I’ve never seen before….surely a donation of some sort….because,even though it was in her line of work,I knew she wouldn’t fall for something, thàt fat and old and ugly….and I got chills,just thinking,that I was most probably right….it was meant for the nurses workstation and it didn’t impressed me at all….so much so,that I threaten to resign,because it was definitely,not in my line of duty!!I didn’t twitch,I didn’t make a sound,I didn’t look at any of them….I just stood in front of the facial recognition camera and let it scan my features…..not sure,if it would be able,to recognize me at this stage….my legs were wobbly and my hands were shaking…..I struggled to hold my pose and I entered the nurses duty room,with a forced smile and a silent prayer,that today’s hand-over,will run quick and smooth…. It was not a good day,to receive any bad news,because it was the day I had to sort out,all of the patients/residents newly received medicine,from their medical aids,as well as from the local pharmacy.The worst part….?It included,receiving and counting in,the scheduled medication,which takes a LOT of concentration. My prayer worked…the hand-over didn’t take long and everybody were going about their daily tasks.My mind kept returning,to what I saw,by now already 3 hours later.Even though the caretakers went home already,I still dreaded going into that office….I looked down,walked up to the scanner,lift my head and the moment it recognized my face,I just turned around and walked out, as fast as I could ….I wanted to look….I RÈALLY wanted to look,but I couldn’t…..
The weekend went past way too quickly and on the Sunday,I just couldn’t get away with it anymore…hubby knew something was wrong and even though I repeatedly said “nothing”he didn’t fall for it….he knew me way too well and also knew,it wasn’t something he did,as I had this attitude,when I got home,the Friday afternoon.I looked him in the eyes and said “you know me by now and you know I don’t easily give up,but something happened at work…..something I’m not willing to change in my life especially at this late stage in my life…….He looked worried and nodded and said “yes…?” Well,there was no turning around now….I spilled the beans….
“Can you believe,that after nursing,for all these years,at the old age home,they’re now expecting of me,to do something,even you know,I’ve been weary of….I saw it on Friday and I just know,my time at the old age home,has just run out….come what may…I can’t see myself giving into it…..I told you before……I told them before…..I’m a NURSE,not a secretary…..how can they…,no,how dare they expect it from me,when they know,I wont be able to do it…..maybe,just maybe,it’s their way,to try and get rid of me….Now look,my husband is one of the dearest,softest and most caring people,I know in my life,but at this stage,even he was loosing patience,at me saying something,without saying anything at all….He said “you know I love you and you know,whatever you decide,I’ll you…..now would you please tell me…..what’s going on,already?
I took a deep breath and with a shivering voice,tears just about to pour,I said “you know,I would never have agreed to transferring to this old age home,if I knew beforehand,they’d expect it from me,but now,they decided to go behind my back and install these things….things I know nothing about……what they know I know nothing about…..things they know,I won’t be able to master,so I’m sure it’s their way of getting rid of me….” Now my husband was clearly losing his patience……I could see the ””””””” on his face …..his voice telling me….TELL,WOMAN TELL!!That’s when I told him…..
Well,after years of wishing and denying,tossing and turning on it,both of us gave in and few days ago,we did it!!!!I got a LAPTOP!Thanks to my best friend Google and all the other Android apps,I slowly but surely,got to know more of modern technology…..As a matter of fact….thanks to my new Lenovo Idea pad,wait for it……I did this post on my new device!!!
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